checking my mailbox address book, hmm... 212 contacts. not bad, yesterday i'd spent almost 2 hrs writing email for every individual in my address book. reason? none..... well, yeah there could be one reason: to see how many replies i got. so far i got 20... in 24hrs' time i got 10% reply, so should i expect 100% reply in the next ten days? nah, that's just too optimistic of me. but... i don't know what to say. back in uk, i remembered that i bought dozens of greeting cards, wrote different greetings to different friends that i know back in malaysia, and other countries (wherever they are), you may say i am stupid or i may have too much time. no, i cherish every friendship. i cherish everyone that i came across with. even though it cost some pounds and dollars, effort and time, but it's worth it. i wanna let them know that i still remember them. it's strange when you are sometimes finding yourself so free when you in fact are not, spending some ridiculous hours in the middle of the night just to write that special message to someone you suddenly think of, well you don't necessarily want them to do the same to you, but at least give you a sign, an indication that they've got the message. but no... it's sad.... have you ever encountered in some ways that you would try to make one happy not hoping for a return, as in not doing the same thing to make you happy? yeah, i do that all the time. call me stupid, call me a donkey or whatever, there's always something out there worth doing for. and it's this thing - friendship. it's a big big world, i don't want to boast, but i have almost a few hundred friends out there, but everyone's busy studying, working. who has the time for a message or two? even checking mails is a sacrifice of sleeping time for a few of my friends. yes, i do agree. seeing those forwarded mails i have no idea what to do with them sometimes. if you send me a chain letter, i'd delete it for sure. if you send me a mail with loads of bears and meaningless horoscope craps, i don't know but normally i'd delete them too... forgive me, i would love to write personal emails rather than forwarding these. think of the reality behind this. u are using up more bandwidths in forwarding jpg files than writing emails. so why not sit down for a minute and write an email to that someone whom u consider a friend? 200 contacts in an address book isn't many. in fact i could have written more emails as i have not finished adding all the emails. ...11.28pm in Christchurch now. reply?

Saddam's Hideout Animation

go to this flash

ok, i'll try to be more optimistic about my life. well, i'm now practically working fulltime/parttime at McD's at Riccarton. other than that, i do nothing else. yeah, nothing else! i could say that life has not been this monotonous before: work, sleep, eat, work... but there's always a positive side of it. like currently my parents are here, i get to spend time with them more often. having each meal at home, instead of having supper after work. also, the good thing about working is: you get to learn more things that you will never learn from lectures. practical, that's what i mean! you don't just sit in lectures and think what it's like if i ... if i... what you do with the time u have is to go out and get in touch with the community around you! well, the pay shouldn't be an issue, i know working at this place sucks, considering long, i mean very very long, working hours, and running around trying to please ur customer, but think of it as a reward to what you have learnt - patience, communication. patience is a big thing for a crew. when i first started out, this is something that i thought i'd get a firm grip of, but after a month, this is really a big challenge. imagine, a bunch of ppl standing in front of you, taking their own sweet time to look at the menu, yet order items with 30 seconds in between each item. seeing the digital clock ticking down you know your aim is to assemble the order as fast as you could so that the customer will not be waiting for too long. this gets more annoying, when a single customer orders 30 items (yes, i did experienced that a few times) and when the order is taken (finally), the customer said that i assembled the order wrongly when in fact i have verified the order item by item! the most annoying one that ever happened was a guy who came for a burger which i was damn sure he didn't order it...... well, work is still work. always remind yourself, you get paid for it. why bother? then it will be fine.
lately, this friendster thingy is so addictive that i had myself clicking and typing trying to 'trace my roots'. haha. fyi, i have been searching and asking around if any of my primary school mates still exist, apart from one or two of them which i'm still keeping in touch with, especially Soo and Sophie. Where are you ppl?! as a matter of fact, i could still remember their names, and faces! but when i tried to search for their names in the database, what i found was just disappointment. maybe they've changed names? it really is a possibility, not as in changed their names on birth certs, it's their first names! like for instance my name's Kevin, when in fact i was only known as Ek Khai. who the hell knows Ek Khai in my college or univ years? not a single soul i will have to say. so, there's a possibility that they're still out there, like myself, searching for their mates, ...... any soul kind enough to lend a helping hand? or do any of you know my ex-school mates?
alrite, i'll give a brief but important details about myself:
TEH, Ek Khai
Born in 1982
Studied in SRK Yuk Chai PJ,
Pin Hwa High School Klang,
PRIME College PCD Jan2001
University of Nottingham UK
.....
more details? ask me!

heard of friendster? it seems like a super cool site where you could actually find friends whom you thought you've lost contact with since high school years! but too bad, i think the server's quite crappy as it seems so darn slow these days when i could spend some precious time finding my way through the database. right now i'm only connected to less than 10 ppl, but i am pretty sure that i could connect to at least a hundred of them easily if the server's up and running, dammit. how's everyone who's been checking out my site lately? i'm actually trying to give myself a break today, as i've got a reply from the director of the course that i'm hoping to get a place in. at least, he replied..... i've been waiting for like 2 weeks for this reply and it felt like 2 years, yeah, the waiting sucks when you know you've got more to plan for ahead of you. well so far at this stage i'm looking forward to this interview and hopefully will get a 'yes' from him and maybe life will be better for me. you know, it's never been this worse since that day i was told that my results weren't good enough to do research in this field. yeah, i should agree with my supervisor. painful it may seem when i's told of this in my face, but at least i am now facing the facts. i'm no genius. this is not my field. i could as well spend my time in something i might have interest in, or more importantly in something that i'm better in. life shouldn't be that bad. i could view it as an experience i had to go through. or maybe a short course for one semester. time passes by, people learn everyday...

oh my oh my.... the last time i blogged was nearly a month ago! apologies to those who has been checking out my site for the past 30 days. i've let u down. :( to those who've tagged at my board, even a thousand words are not enough to describe how thankful i am to you guys for ur caring, and sharing of thoughts, even though you're miles away from this barren land of kiwi. i do miss you ppl out there. it's been a helluva month for me. my life has had ups and downs but this time it's something more damaging at the downside of it, couldn't say it in detail, but i've never felt so down when that sudden change of plans for my studies have maybe become a turning point for me. Have i done enough? Have i gone far enough? is there still possibilities to keep going and going? when is the end of this? when i asked myself this, i stopped and had a long long thought. what if this road leads me to no where? or what if this road leads to something that's not really my field of expertise or interest? what if..? when there are 'what ifs', what if what i've done so far doesn't give me the sort of satisfaction i wanted from the beginning? life's really too short. i'm 21 going on 22 soon, is it worth exploring more and more and still not being able to find what i'm actually aiming for in this life? everyday i pray, hoping there would be an answer from above, well at least, gimme a realistic answer for whatever i'm waiting. i know there's a lot of things to be learnt in this vast ocean of knowledge, but when is the time to go out and experience it myself? i know my capability, i know my strengths. similarly, i also know my weaknesses....