oh my oh my.... the last time i blogged was nearly a month ago! apologies to those who has been checking out my site for the past 30 days. i've let u down. :( to those who've tagged at my board, even a thousand words are not enough to describe how thankful i am to you guys for ur caring, and sharing of thoughts, even though you're miles away from this barren land of kiwi. i do miss you ppl out there. it's been a helluva month for me. my life has had ups and downs but this time it's something more damaging at the downside of it, couldn't say it in detail, but i've never felt so down when that sudden change of plans for my studies have maybe become a turning point for me. Have i done enough? Have i gone far enough? is there still possibilities to keep going and going? when is the end of this? when i asked myself this, i stopped and had a long long thought. what if this road leads me to no where? or what if this road leads to something that's not really my field of expertise or interest? what if..? when there are 'what ifs', what if what i've done so far doesn't give me the sort of satisfaction i wanted from the beginning? life's really too short. i'm 21 going on 22 soon, is it worth exploring more and more and still not being able to find what i'm actually aiming for in this life? everyday i pray, hoping there would be an answer from above, well at least, gimme a realistic answer for whatever i'm waiting. i know there's a lot of things to be learnt in this vast ocean of knowledge, but when is the time to go out and experience it myself? i know my capability, i know my strengths. similarly, i also know my weaknesses....