Counting down... in 55 hours i'll be sitting for my first paper in Canty. nervous? no. directionless? hell yeah. no past year papers, no clues, no hints, no nothing! what i've been doing for the past 3 days is just reading up all the notes, trying to squeeze all of them into this tiny brain of mine..... I've made a mistake. i shouldn't have taken more than 2 papers this semester. i've just dropped one paper 3 weeks ago, and it's a big big relief that i am not going to do that paper anymore, but... that paper had taken up more than 50% of my precious time when i should have paid more attention to some papers which are more relevant to my research. well, it's over now. i couldn't do anything about it. i just have to keep running and running and running forward so that i could catch up... so far it's still ok, i could still remember what the lecturers talked about in their 3 day block course.... but, is that it? what kind of question is gonna come out of their brains? hmm.. if they're purely calculations, i could have just thrown all the notes into my rubbish bin, but hell no! they don't even know what sort of questions are coming out! this ain't good... but nah, i trust the God. i believe He will show me the way, cos He's the Light. It's true, it's proved. after almost 4 months of job hunting, i finally have found one! it's not that cool, but hey, i'm an adult now. if i keep on spending money without any incomes, i'd consider myself an ass hole. you know why? common sense: it's all output without input. wtf? yeah, this term just starts to get meaningful. do you call ppl asshole without even knowing the meaning? hmm. .. i do know a few ppl that do this. be it a formally accepted meaning of whatever, this term in my dictionary is defined this way, so accept it if u want. by the way, i don't know if my parents are reading this or not but, it's all life. you have to start to follow the flow, follow where the society leads you to. You have to start to appreciate life, and most importantly, MONEY. this society is getting more and more realistic, don't you think so? but bear in mind, money is not going to take you anywhere, honesty will. whatever you do, do not lie to yourself. .... have i been philosophical? a few months back, a friend in uk who visited my site told me that my life's too serious... is it? suddenly when i think of this, i don't think she's right. i study hard, i do play hard though. :) i remembered when i first started my course here 3 months ago, i had not many friends. however, my social circle expanded after a while, it was this party that got me started (in an unpleasant way...). i really didn't have an idea how i got into this piece of mess but, if those clans are reading this, i'd like to apologize again for all the mess and, thank you all for being there with me. ... i wondered how life would be now if i hadn't had that experience then, but hey, i didn't plan for that to happen... anyway, this blog is getting a bit too personal for some ppl but i would like to stress something: life should be fun, you have to be serious but you have to be a bit crazy sometimes! ....
currently listening to : U2 - With or Without You

one fine day to start work.... it's a truly fine day today, i ain't lying. it's really a fine fine fine day. ask anyone in christchurch, this is like a new start of a season. it truly is, considering the rain had been our company for the past 7 days or so. spring time is here, but the rain just wouldn't stop coming, and now, it's a good sign that we will be having fine days ahead. a lot of stuff just suddenly pop out of my mind: go somewhere, have a little treat of sunshine, relax a bit... but, no. exam's just less than a week away, 3 assignments on going. and hell yeah, it's going to be a helluva long long spring time for me...
oh yeah, rugby world cup is on. has anyone been watching it? don't bother to update me. i ain't no kiwi mate. i am into soccer! but.... this is pathetic, how does one soccer fan cope with life without any chance of watching soccer in this kiwi land where ppl here just watch rugby?! that's me. convince me if you're a kiwi. tell me that rugby is good, tell me that rugby is exciting... what i do see is a buncha guys violently running into each other like their lives are worthless and there's no tomorrow! damn... go watch wrestling if u are into violence. what's so great about it??!! i'm losing my appetite now... maybe i should think of something else. it's a fine day. dont' spoil it.

oh wow. time just flies when u are really making full use of it. what's the definition of 'full use' here? is it 'working', or 'having fun' ? definition just varies from each individual. like myself for instance, there's no better way to explain this. 'work' is what i am faced with everyday. apart from the 8 hours of sleep, 2 hours of meals and other stuff, i spend 14 hours doing school work. god! it's hell on earth u know what i mean? even though i've dropped one paper lately (and thank god i dropped it), there's still a lot of work to do. i must admit that i'm an alien here in the kiwi land. everything starts from zero knowledge. the education system is totally different. it still takes a bit of time to get used to it. excuses, excuses, excuses.... but this is a fact! it's not that i didn't have a good base back in uk, it's just things taught here were not covered back in uk. what's the system here? are they uk-based? us-based? no they're not! they're kiwi-based! i'm bloody lost sometimes, it's just that extra effort needs to be put in so that i could get up there to be at the same level as the students here. it's an escalating task, but hell no i ain't gonna quit this. life is so short ... you always want to do everything at once, but hey u're only a human. take it nice and slowly, the outcome will be better. i always wanted to do web publishing, graphic design, learn more languages, try new things, but things just don't work out as planned. maybe that's life eh? ....